My Forever
by NoahevansMom
Summary: Entry for the Black Balloon Contest. Edward is faced with his worst nightmare. How will he cope? AH


**The Black Balloon Contest**

**Title: ****My Forever**

**Your pen name: lauras1sttime**

**Characters: Edward w/ a little Bella**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine. I must warn you that this contains MAJOR heartfail, like rip it out and stomp on it heartfail!**

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The noise, though abrasive, was the single most important sound in my life. It encapsulated my heart, my soul, my forever. If the beeping ceased I would also cease to be.

Everything felt wrong. The lights were too bright. The smells were sterile and her hand that I was holding was not squeezing back or intertwining our fingers. This is so very wrong

I could hear bits and pieces of the conversations around me, but I was in my memories clinging to the purest joy anyone has ever known.

_My senior year of college I was in the library doing research and was interrupted by a throat clearing. "Hi, my name is Bella." When I looked to the source of the melodic voice I was met by beautiful smiling brown eyes and cheeks with a rosy blush. She extended her hand and I clasped it with my own, and was overwhelmed by the feeling that shot through me. I was made for this woman. I smiled, "Hello, I'm Edward Cullen. Please have a seat."_

"Mrs. Dwyer, Isabella suffered a renal artery aneurysm…." I couldn't bear to listen to this again so I shut them out and let my mind drift again.

_I had worked for weeks setting the surprise up. I had arranged for a boat ride around Neah bay at sunset. Bella was lying back against my chest taking in the view so I leaned forward and kissed her cheek. She turned her head to smile at me, "I love you Edward." I wrapped my arms around her and whispered in her ear, "You're my life". I reached into my pocket and grabbed the ring. Then, I extended my arm to show her. "Bella be my forever, marry me." She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. She gave me her left hand and a dazzling smile then replied, "Of course."_

Yet another doctor entered abruptly yanking me from my memories, "We're watching for signs of improvement but I suggest you prepare yourselves for the worst." No, they have to be wrong this cannot be happening this is not the way it was supposed to go!

_It was a beautiful fall day, the sun was pouring through the stained glass windows of the tiny church. I was standing next to the pastor becoming incredibly impatient. I just needed to see her. It had been twenty-four hours since I saw her last, and I ached for her. Finally, the doors opened and the bridesmaids made their way down the aisle. Then the notes of the bridal march began floating through the air. My breath was stolen by the beauty before me; she was shimmering brown curls cascading down golden satin and creamy skin with a dusting of pink blush. Her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears while she granted me the most glorious smile I have ever seen. She made her way to me and our eyes both shined with the same knowledge…you are my home._

I could hear sobbing all around me, but I couldn't give up. Bella could not give up. I laid my head next to hers on the pillow and tried to keep my voice strong and sure, "Baby, you have to come back. You have to fight, get better and spend forever with me. You are my whole world; I can't go on without you. Please. Please, just open your eyes and let me see your amazing smile again."

_I had just arrived home from a long day of work. Bella was at the stove stirring something in a pot that smelled mouthwatering. I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist while I kissed her neck "I missed you, Love." _

_She spun my arms to give me a proper kiss. "I missed you too Baby. I think there's something in our bathroom you need to check out." _

_I quirked an eyebrow at her puzzled by her sudden change of topic, but decided to play along. I made my way down the hall and I could hear her a couple steps behind me. I flipped on the bathroom light and immediately saw a big red arrow pointing down that was drawn with lipstick on the mirror. I followed it and saw a plastic stick on the counter; I picked it up, and saw two blue lines. I spun to look at her and saw her amazing smile shining back at me. Then she yelled, "We're having a baby!" _

_I grabbed her and spun her in a hug then dropped to my knees, and kissed her stomach. _

"_Bella, I don't deserve you, no man should have this much happiness." _

_She dropped to her knees and put a hand on either side of my face and gazed into my eyes, "Edward, you are my world, and I assure you my heart is equally bursting with happiness."_

I must have fallen asleep because I was startled awake by a different sound. An angry screech was coming from the machine monitoring Bella.

Suddenly, there were nurses and doctors everywhere, and I was being shoved back. I collapsed and started begging anyone who would listen, "Please God no, don't take her! I need her, please save her!"I felt arms around me. My mother was whispering soothing words into my ear, but I didn't hear them I just sobbed into her shoulder. I heard someone yell clear and the sound of the defibrillator, but I couldn't see anything because my eyes were full of tears that just kept coming.

* * *

Splash. Splash. Splash.

The sound of raindrops hitting umbrellas filled my ears. I couldn't bear to listen to the sermon that was being delivered. I just kept staring at the rectangular hole where everything that mattered in my life would soon disappear. This wasn't right. Bella and I were supposed to live a long happy life together, and be old and gray before either of us had to see a stone w/ our names carved into it. The part I hadn't even begun to deal with and couldn't even think about was the extra name on that stone, Claire Ann Cullen. My precious baby girl wasn't strong enough to live outside her mother's womb, so I lost absolutely everything that day.

I shut down. I hear phrases like "in shock" and "catatonic" being thrown around by my family and friends, but the simple fact of it is I've given up. I have no reason left to live. Every day, I fight waking up, so that I can stay with Bella in my dreams. I have everything when I'm asleep; my wife, my daughter, and more happiness than a heart can hold. Then, I wake up and go sit on the rocking chair in the half finished nursery hugging a pink stuffed dog it was the first gift Bella and I ever bought Claire.

I replay my last conversation with Bella, and hate myself more and more for everything I did wrong.

_She had stomach pains, but thought lying down to take a nap would make them go away. I should have insisted I come home from work and take her to the hospital. She just said, "Don't worry sweetie, it's probably just some Braxton Hicks. I'll take a little nap and will see you when you get home." I gave in. We exchanged I love yous and I hung up. _

_I arrived home to only darkness and quiet. There was no humming and delicious smells coming from the kitchen. I dropped everything in my hands, and ran to our bedroom and found her unresponsive in our bed._

Why the fuck didn't I listen to my gut instinct?

I can't change anything now; it's my fault that my forever is gone.

* * *

Plink. Plink. Plink

The sound of pills falling from my hand to the floor as I pour them out of the bottle interrupts my angel's voice. I've taken to calling her cell phone so I can hear her sarcastic lighthearted greeting "Hi. You've reached Bella and the peanut. Leave a message, and we'll call you back…maybe" I listen to it several times a day, but it doesn't help. My heart feels heavier every time.

I write a quick note.

_Mom,_

_I love you all but I'm no good without Bella. I have to be with her._

_Love always,_

_Edward_

I pour the handful of pills into my mouth, and swallow them down with some Jameson.

I'll be with you soon my love.

* * *

A/N:

Thank you to my amazing friends Maggie, Kristi and Dorothy for prereading/encouraging/betaing. I'm very lucky to have such awesome friends! Maggie I'm sorry I made you read it and ripped your heart, I love you long time though! : )


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